Most guys need an excavation team to crack the safe that is their heart and tap into their inner feelings! Men often come off as coldhearted and unfeeling because they find it difficult to express what they’re feeling, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. If you are frustrated by his inability to share what he feels and are desperate to know how to get him to open up to you, then read on for some insight that will help you understand why he does what he does and how to change it.
It’s not his fault…
We blame and chastise guys for not expressing their feelings and open up, but most men are raised not to show emotion. Showing emotion is still very much considered a sign of weakness and boys from very young are taught to be “strong” and “not wimps”. Unfortunately, this leads to a world full of men who keep things inside and women frustrated women who don’t understand why. We have all heard of the “strong and silent type” stereotype and for centuries have been told that this is attractive in a man. It’s no wonder that men feel that they shouldn’t open up and that few even know how to if they’ve always been taught to do the opposite.
Quit jumping to conclusions…
When your questions are met with a blank stare or silence, it can be easy to jump to conclusions. Women think that when a man doesn’t have a detailed or insightful response to a question or comment that it’s because he doesn’t care or is hiding something. This often leads to a lot of misunderstandings and accusations, which eventually lead to resentment. The problem here is that this vicious circle tends to have the opposite of the desired effect, so instead of getting him to explain himself and open up, he instead shuts down and backs away from the conversation. As this continues and keeps happening, he becomes more and more afraid to say anything.
Guys fear getting emotional…
Guys hate getting emotional and as we said, have it engrained in them that it makes them look weak and is something to be ashamed of. So, if the conversation at hand is one that is likely to make him emotional and well up with tears, he’s going to avoid it like the plague. Women get upset about how his inability to open up affects them, but rarely give thought to how it is affecting the guy. If he has something big going on, chastising him for not opening up to you isn’t going to help, but offering the time and space to work through it and come to you will. Most men won’t talk about a problem until they’ve figured out how to get a handle on it to avoid getting too emotional in front of another person, including his girlfriend or wife. He’s supposed to be the protector and the strong one and will take time to handle issues on their own before risking showing otherwise.
He may perceive you as intrusive and confrontational…
Speaking to your man and not getting the heartfelt response or the straightforward reply that you wanted almost inevitably leads to your asking more questions and trying to get to the bottom of things. Even if you’re not shouting, he might still feel like you’re being confrontational and unreasonable. This is because he’s only doing what he has always been told is the right way and he genuinely doesn’t understand why you don’t get that and are continuing to push him. What you perceive as trying to talk to him and understand what he’s feeling, he may perceive as you arguing and being intrusive.
Learn to listen…
No matter what you’re talking about, showing him that you are able to hear him out is a very important part of how to get him to open up. Cutting him off when he tries to express himself or belittling what he has to say will shut him down and leave him feeling like he can’t talk to you about anything. Just like you, he wants to be heard and given the opportunity to express himself when he needs to. He won’t come to you if he thinks you’re not going to hear him out. Be willing to listen and be sure he knows that he can open up to you without fear of judgment or ridicule and he’ll be a lot more likely to come to you with his feelings.
Men have a hard time opening up because that’s what they know to be the way as the so-called “stronger sex”. It’s not easy for them to stray from what they have always been told is the right way to be when it comes to their emotions and it’s even harder if he’s not completely confident that he can open up to you without being criticized, or laughed at, or rejected.
To sum it up…
Men process their feelings differently and need time to work through what they feel. Being given the time and space to do that is key for a man and he’s not likely to share his feelings with you and be completely open if he doesn’t have the time to go over things at his own pace first. It’s not easy, but having some patience and holding your tongue might be the best thing you can do when it comes to how to get him to open up. Be prepared to listen to him and not jump to conclusions and throw out accusations when he is having trouble talking to you about something. Getting upset and pushing him for more details will only backfire and make him less likely to want to confide in you how he’s feeling or what he is dealing with when there is a problem. They don’t keep their feelings to themselves to hurt you or because they’re being sinister; it’s just what they know. Showing him some understanding and your openness to let him share will make him want to open up.
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